#33 I will prove you wrong

I Don't Own The Music

I've been thinking, I've been thinking for a while now. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just lost. I can't ask for help, or I can but then I'm too scared to tell anyone that I would need to talk. I can barely stay awake, my eyes feel like closing, but I force them to stay open. I don't know what I want in life anymore. 

A few weeks ago I was still determined what I would do in life, but not anymore. I wanted to work hard enough to reach my goal. Now I'm giving up, I set my bar too high. I don't know how to pace myself at all, I just wanted my biggest dream to come true. I don't think it will anymore, I push myself, I push myself too hard. I see no limits the only thing I see is my goal, the only thing I saw was my goal. 

Now I have nothing anymore, I'm just a big mess trying to sort everything out. Still in the back of my mind, the thing that keeps me going is my goal. I know what I want and I know how bad I want it. I want to be the youngest rider to win Olympic gold. I want it so bad, it's the one thing that keeps me up all night.

 Every time I think of it I want it even more. I want to prove everyone who has ever doubted me wrong I want to show the whole world what I'm made of. I want to show everyone that I'm strong, not weak. I want to show them that I can and that I will. I just want to show them that I might be weak, but I can still work  hard to get where I want. That's what I thought, that's what I wanted to do. But know I don't know what I want to do anymore, I can't show anyone how wrong they were. There is nothing that I can show them because I GIVE UP.