I Don't Own The Music
Why do I end up missing everything that I thought that I would never feel like missing anymore. There is nothing that I would change in where I am now, but I still somehow miss all the things I used to have before. I miss all the fun I used to have with all my friends. All the stupid things we did when no one was watching. I just miss everything, all the things I thought that I would never miss again I miss. I just wish that I could go back to where I was before.
My life was full then, I had everything I was living a dream, but not anymore. Till two days ago I thought that my life was full and I had everything that I need, but it's not true. I'm missing so much. I really just wish that I could go back to where I was before. I miss all the competing, I miss the everyday training, being able to be alone going to the stables, and just being with him. The one that I care about, but now all of that is gone. I don't have anything anymore. I just have him, but it doesn't feel like he is mine, because he is so far away. I miss show jumping, I miss it more than anything, I just wish I could go back. I can't do what I love anymore, and I feel like quitting. I just don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to share my horse with everyone, because he's mine. I'm fine with sharing him with my mother, but others I don't want to share him with. I want to be with him everyday, and if I can't why do I even do this. There is no point in doing something I love, if I don't care about it anymore. Especially, when everyone else is having fun training with their friends and I'm stuck at a small stable alone, not being able to do the things that I love. It's not fair. I just want to quit, my horse is sick I need to listen to people tell me that I should buy a new horse, but what if I don't want to, because it will never be the same. I just hate all of this. I've had enough of people lecturing me how my horse should be put down and that I should buy an new horse. I don't want a new horse, I just want to quit. I've had enough this is driving me insane. I want to put him down and quit for good, never come back again. I see no point in anything anymore. I just don't want to do this without him, I want to keep him, but according to other people it's time to put him down, so why don't I just do that and then give up. I see no point in trying again, because I know that I will fail again, as a person, and as a rider, and I don't know what to do with that anymore. I'll just listen to other people talking shit about me. I don't want to do any of this anymore. I just quit. There's no point in continuing, especially if I'm no good at what I do. I see no point in wasting my life with this, because I will never get anywhere. All of this was just a phase in my life, and it disappeared like everyone told me at one point, it will go away so there is no point in trying to build your whole life around it, because you will no be doing this for the rest of your life.
I quit!
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