#30 Leave Me Alone I'm Nobody I'm Not Here

I Don't Own The Music (Open In YouTube If You Want To See Who Made It)

I don't know what's wrong wit me. I can be happy for a while, but then when everyone else leave. When class ends I don't know what happens, everyone goes to their friend groups. Except me, I don't have a friend group. I don't belong anywhere. Everyone just ditch me when the classes end, when they find their own friends. I don't get it, what have I done wrong, to deserve this. I like to be alone sometimes, but I still do need a social life outside of the stables. But no I can't  everyone went to their friend groups and I was left alone.

I feel sick an tired. I don't have energy to do anything anymore. I don't feel like speaking, because everytime I open my mouth and say something people start judging. It's not fair, I don't understand what did I do to the people. I can't remember doing anything wrong. The only thing I can remember since I started school was people calling me names, laughing at me, bulling. It has never stopped, and it never will even if someone tries to say something it just gets worse. I can't remember a day a minute a month when someone has not said something bad about me. I know why they do all of it, they want to hurt me to make them happy. That's their version of fun. It's not my version of fun. Fun is when everyone is nice to everyone and everyone is laughing. That never happens to me except with a few people. I try to be nice to all the people, but no apparently its not good enough. So now that they have made me feel so bad that I can't be with people, they are happy. Or are they, no they are not happy they can't stop. They don't understand how much it actually hurts. They seriously want to drive me to my breaking point and see what I do then. Well what if I would say that when they reach my breaking point that they have, I will think keep things to my self and then decide. What if my decision is to stay, not go. What if I go will they even notice no. What if I stay will they continue,would they stop if they would realize that I won't leave

#29 Grow Up People

Sanon tässä suoraan että mun piti julkaista tässä postaus mun kesälomasta mutta näen tämän postauksen tärkeämpänä. Elikkäs kiusaamine ja kaikki mitä siihen liittyy. Kaikki sen on väärin. 

 

Ennen en ole esim ht.netissä pyörinyt niin niistä asioista en paljoo tiedä, mutta sen tiedän että hevospiireissä jokaista tulevaa ratsastajaa haukutaan,kritisoidaan epä asiallisesti ja kiusataan. Se kaikki on väärin, jopa minua on haukuttu ja sanottu monia ilkeitä asioita mutta se ei mitenkään vedä vertoja sille mitä ihmiset tekee jos ne näkee muka jotain epäoikeudenmukaista ja päätelevät sen yhden kuvan tai videon perusteella että kaikki mitä ne tekee on väärin. Eikä se ole vain asiat mitä ihmiset tekevät väärin, vaan myös se että jos he eivät aina osaa kirjoittaa oikea oppista suomen kieltä, niin siittä tullaan haukkumaan. 

 

Harvoin ne ihmiset joita arvostellaan tekee mitään väärin vaan ihmiset vain päättelevät/päättävät että se on väärin ja tekevät siittä suuren haloon. Toiset puhuvat päin naamaa kun taas toiset puhuvat selän takana tai netissä. Netissä puhuminen on huomattavasti lisääntynyt,koska siellä voi olla anonyymi. Jolloin kukaan ei tiedä kuka siellä sitä paskaa jauhaa. 

 

Joten ihmiset kaikki netissä liikkuvat ja kaikki muutkin joilla on jonkin lainen pakottava tarve satuttaa tosia. Tulkaa edes sanomaan se päin naamaa, se on helpompi kestää. Tai lopettakaa vaan kokonaan, ette te saa siittä itse mitään irti.  Ainoa asia mitä te siittä irti saatte on yhden ratsastajan vähemmän, joka voisi vaikka kehittyä ja levitää ratsastusta pidemmälle. Olkaa nyt vaan ystävällisiä ja antakaa ihmisten tehdä mitä ne haluavat, te ette voi päätää mistään asioista heidän puolesta.

 

"I'm just so tired of all the bullshit in life so could everyone just take a break. Would it be too much to ask for everyone to stop talking shit and start acting like adults." 

#28 I am Human

I Don't Own The Music

 

Darkness is a friend, there is nothing that can be said.
Darkness is the place where you can just be. No-one and nothing will stop you from thinking.
Nothing will stop you from dreaming.

It's a time when you can just relax, rest and think of out past and future.

Darkness is also quiet, there is nothing that talks back to you.

In darkness you can sit in quiet, and there will be no-one screaming in your ear in the next minute.

But it is  a foe, when it ends when light comes back your time is up and you will have to wait for darkness to come back.

The waiting is the evil part of darkness, when you have to wait, because it doesn't stay forever.



Darkness is a friend, because you don't have to feel things with your hands, you don't have to constantly move, the only thing you have to do is stay still and sit down and relax.

During darkness, no-one tells you what to do,  there is no-one forcing you, pressuring you, bulling, ot back stabbing.